Senile McCain Mum on Who He Thought Sarah Palin Was When He Picked Her

Senile McCain's Camp Mum on Who He Thought Sarah Palin Was When He Picked Her
Tina Fey Rumored To Be on Shortlist, Megan Mullally Cancels Speaking Engagements

MINNESOTA--Rumors began swirling around presumptive Republican presidential nominee John McCain's camp today, shortly after the senator announced the selection of Alaskan Gov. Sarah Palin as his running mate, as to just who the senile candidate thought Palin was when he offered her the vice presidential slot.

30 Rock star Tina Fey and Will & Grace's Megan Mullally were said to be on the McCain camp's shortlist of beautiful-yet-intelligent-looking actresses for whom the 71-year-old senator could have mistaken Palin. King of The Hill's Peggy Hill and Sandra Bullock-in-sexy-librarian-mode are also rumored to have been vetted.

"All we can reveal is that Senator McCain couldn't possibly have thought it was Palin," said McCain staffer George Andrews. "He's only met her once, for Christ's sake."

Throughout his distinguished political career, Sen. McCain has displayed a marked fondness for brunette actresses who exhibited a spunky, intelligent sexiness, often wearing cat-eye glasses, a campaign spokesman said.

Phone calls to 90's pop star Lisa Loeb seeking comment were not immediately returned.

State Fair Bingo

So I start (paying!) work at the Great New York State Fair on Thursday. I'm a sausage cook for [company redacted], which makes some of the most delicious meat products you will ever eat--honestly I'd probably work for [company] for free if I could eat their food all day (and if I wasn't broke).

The best part of working at the fair, besides the free admission, free food, and 120 degree heat, is the people-watching. Last summer, a friend and I worked at a gas station, Nice N' Easy, and invented Nice N' Easy Bingo™, where each player drew six boxes and penciled in six regular customers (usually construction workers and burnout high school classmates). The first player to cover all six boxes won. (We didn't get too much work done.) In the spirit of continuing that tradition, I present New York State Fair Bingo™, as seen from my perspective behind the steam table at [company]:


So there you have it. Anyway, I'm out for now...come to the fair!

Dan

Sick at home/ Michael Phelps revealed

Hey all. I've managed to get sick after coming back to rainy, boring, covered-in-my-dog's-fur-Syracuse after TFAS and the beach. I've been catching up with HS friends and watching a lot of the Olympics before I start my job at a sausage stand at the NY State Fair next weekend. Anyway, while watching the Olympics and SportsCenter MichaelPhelpsCenter, I got into a debate with my buddies about who Michael Phelps looks like/ is secretly related to. Here are the top 3 who I've narrowed it down to:

3. Eli Manning

Could be brothers, right? The next one's a bit of a stretch, but I promise if you go back and watch the movie, he looks like young Michael Phelps...

2. The guy that played Dwayne Robertson (called for "roping" penalty) in D2: The Mighty Ducks

That's the best picture to be found on the internet of that guy. He apparently does rodeo now. And finally, for good measure, I think this one takes the cake...

1. Dee Snider of Twisted Sister

Don't buy it? Look at the face shape (just add slightly flappier ears) and the weird little smile. I think he might be Dee Snider's long-lost son. Still not sold? Just put on "We're not gonna take it" and look at this picture:

And further proof: In this one, just use your imagination and pretend that Dee is wearing a swimmer's cap and goggles...

...like this:

You heard it here first! From the ace reporters who brought you the "Obama in Germany picture has been photoshopped" story comes the "Michael Phelps is Dee Snider's child" story. Read it and weep.

On a related note, watching the 4 by 100 relay (with Jason Lezak stomping Alain Bernard on the final stretch) was awesome. U-S-A!! U-S-A!! To celebrate, I bought an American flag lawn chair at Bass Pro Shop for $8.88. It has been named Old Glory, and it has served me well so far.

Anyway, until next time, let me know what you think about my amazing conspiracy discovery.

Dan

A new batch of links/ the week on the beach begins

So I'm writing this from the deck of the beach cottage where my family and I stay every summer in Virginia, and while I do miss TFAS and all my TFAS friends very much, it's hard to be down when you've been in the ocean all day (not to mention with my family and gf) playing football. This begins the week of getting back in shape after letting my muscles atrophy into jell-o during TFAS with all the desk work. 2 mile runs every morning and night, push-ups, sit-ups, swimming. When it's on the beach it doesn't even feel like exercise (usually, but this summer might be different given the pitiful condition I am currently in).

Anyway, here's some cool stuff I found on Kottke.org:

Come on sucker, lick my battery: A Lego Stephen Hawking.

I couldn't tell you for the life of me what the Large Hadron Collider does, but these giant photos of it seem to suggest that it is kick-ass.

I only made it to two movies this summer (in theaters): The Dark Knight and Wall-E. I was very satisfied with both. This really cool graphic (illustrating how movies did this year, in terms of total take and durability) shows that I was not alone. Kottke also links to a similar cool chart from the Times dating back like 20 years.

Anyway, it's time to get back in the water...man I love the beach cottage. Hope you all got home OK, and hope you enjoy these random links.

Till next time,
Dan